Lost my voice

No, this is not some deep metaphor about how I have lost my inner voice and my epic journey to find it.

I literally just lost my voice due to a massive allergy/sinus attack.
It's been in the 70's here during the day so I think the pollen got a "get out of jail free" card.

I have this bittersweet relationship with sick days. I hate to be inactive. Hate it. (unless my husband is home then I can become embedded in the couch, snuggled up to him watching TV).

But here I am home alone, hacking up bits of lung and wishing I was feeling well enough to go somewhere or start a DIY project.

On the flipside I am a little excited about the option of taking a nap today.
I feel like a spoiled rotten brat. I have no little ones at home so I can get some actual real rest.

I had the dreaded night cough. I am sure everyone can relate, just when you drift off into peaceful slumber you get that drowning sensation in your throat and you have to bolt up and cough for, oh, 10 minutes. I was finally getting some solid sleep when the 5:30 came around it was time to get up.

So in the Spirit of Sick days I am listing my top 5 sick day activities:

5. Enter Internet sweepstakes- passes time and I have won a candle or two over the years.
 
4. Look at magazines - preferably Real Simple, Country Living, People Style Watch, In Style, Better Homes and Gardens, All You or any other fashion/decor related magazine. If you can do this with out tearing out pages you are a better woman than I.

3. Eat Soup. Clearly a soup that would make you say "Meh" on a healthy day will be the most delicious thing in the world on a sick day.

2. Read a thrilling, romantic, uplifting, or funny book. With socks on, with a fake microfiber shearling throw, with hot chocolate/coffee, nibbling cookies. Go big or go to bed, you are way to sick to be awake if this does not appeal to you.

1. Watch You've got mail. I also watch it when doing laundry, sewing and just about any excuse I can make up. Acceptable substitutes include The Lake House, Leap Year, 13 going on 30, Kate and Leopold, Letters to Juliet,  or any thing Jane Austin.

I think I am developing a cough drop addiction, but only to the lemon and honey ones. That seems all natural right?

The Best and the Worst of the Internet

Count down:
(I always try to be positive and uplifting so the best first)

The Best of the Internet

5.) It has really improved shopping. I am a girl who is a big fan of budget shopping. The Internet makes this fun, easy and gives me, who lives out in the country, variety. You can price check, look through thousands of options and pay from your own home.

4.) Maps. I am terrible at using verbal directions. Don't tell me how to get there, draw me a picture. Now I can get the Internet to do that for me anytime I want.

3.) The Internet encourages creativity. I am writing this now because of the Internet. I have put so many thoughts down in words that I never would have before and I don't have to be a published author to do it. The same goes for photography, art, crafts, etc.. Just look at Pinterest, Blogs, Amazon (you can sell an ebook easily now) and Etsy to explore some of it.

2.)The Internet is an amazing way to educate yourself. I can look up the ballot of an upcoming election and what it all means on the web. I can read news from anywhere. I can study my religion in depth, read blogs about cooking, read up on medical issues, parenting issues and Google anything under the sun.

1.) The Internet has made me closer to my friends and family. I know more about my friends and family now that ever before thanks to email, facebook, etc...


The Worst of the Internet

I like to think if this is a wake up call to one person about what we stuff into our minds or put out for the world to see, I have done something worth while.

5.) The Internet promotes envy. There is a fine line in sharing your joy and thankfulness and crossing over into look-at-me-ism. Sometimes it's hard to tell how much to share and some people's lives are presented as a study in perfection that can only make everyone else feel defeated and jealous. (flip side the woe-is-me-ism: the fierce competition to literally have the worst life in the universe)

4.) Glamorization of foolishness. It's a 24/7 tabloid, joke mill and blooper reel that screens nothing and puts everything forward as if it is worth watching. I fall for it more often than I like.

3.) Vice and sin central at your finger tips. You used to have to put some effort into being bad. If you wanted porn you had to go out of your home and buy it. If you wanted to overspend, cheat on your spouse, show off too much skin, or watch slasher movies, you had to leave your house on that mission or make plans to do it. Now with the click of a mouse, the destruction of your life is hassle free.

2.) IMHO overload. (IMHO stands for "in my humble opinion") This disclaimer is used to preface an opinion sometimes and a rant most of the time. Rants are usually poorly thought out declarations of opinion that require little thought, care or respect. You can add to this the comments that people make on other people's facebook pages about how that person should run their facebook page. Seriously, if you cannot stand what they post, UNFRIEND them, or post a rebuttal on your own page.

Also you can include the blizzard of inspirational sayings, pictures, political articles, and totally fictional forwards sent daily to every email and facebook page that exists.
Hey, I share these from time to time but I use them like hot sauce- lightly and with care. Too much and you ruined something good.
I feel that everyone- of any or no religious persuasion- is responsible to fact check something before they share it. If you are spreading a lie, you are helping no one.

Which brings me to the #1 worst thing about the Internet:

1.) It is a hoax factory and the most successful rumor mill of all time. Evil people do exist. They have a variety of beliefs and can label themselves anything you can imagine. They send out things they know aren't true because it gives them a thrill to trick people or they send out things they don't care to check because it supports a point they agree with.

The more people they trick or enrage/persuade, the bigger the thrill.

Please don't be used by them or taken in. If you are it is a tragedy.
The most current and best example of this is the propaganda that is going around that the Sandy Hook Tragedy was a giant hoax or conspiracy by our government.
No, I do not believe everything my government or the media puts out to be true.
But... I would never ever ever want to be part of something that would open and tear at the wounds of families who have lost loved ones.
Investigate everything and never take the word of a You Tube video, clip montage, famous person, or an "expert" that appeals to your interests or concerns as rock solid truth.
The best lies are interesting and exciting.
It is destructive for you and everyone you communicate with when you take no time to think it through.

This is what I like about blogs. I can give you this "overload" of IMHO and you choose to click on it or not.
If you like it awesome, if not you can move along about your day, never to read my blog again.

Etch-a-sketch brain

Sometimes I wish I had an Etch-a-sketch brain.

You know, with a waggle waggle of my head I could erase something I don't want there.

I have always had a problem buying into things or having ideas about things that limit me.

For example:
At a young age I felt called to missions. Now I had no idea what that meant and no one really could tell me so I made up an idea about what that meant:
Traveling somewhere far away, sharing Jesus with foreign people.
So when that did not happen in my life I grieved that I had missed the mark.

Also I got married young (two weeks after I turned 20) and I had some ideas about what marriage should be. Needless to say those ideas were not based in reality (thanks for nothing Hollywood and romance novels) and I felt disappointed that I had missed the mark in the marriage dept.

The list goes on and on- children, jobs, possessions, etc...

Here is the kicker, I am just at 36 finally figuring out God does not need my help defining anything.
He knows exactly what the missions call on my life meant and what my marriage should be.

But I have been operating on the pictures I sketched up in my head and I finally realize I need one good clean shake to set it right.

How's about I just keep a clean screen and just wait for Him to draw the picture?
Do I think I can try that one on for size?

To be honest, I want too, really badly. I have a very strong sense that this could be a wonderful way to live.
All the best stuff in my life has often come as a total surprise to me.

I want to just open my eyes each day and look around, taking what happens for exactly what it is as God shows me.

I want to eagerly wait for the answers to my prayers with out a framework to fit them in.

I want to share what God has done in my life all the time with out a goal in mind for each person I share it with.

The point is my "stuff" always misses the mark because I don't have clue what the mark is.
And that is completely OKAY. God never expected me to, that's why He gave me the Holy Spirit.

I'll leave the perfection up to Him and the following up to me :).

Christmas Vacation

Our family decided to take a Christmas Vacation.
It's one of those new fangled "Stay-cations" so popular since the recession set in.
We stayed right at home, cuddled up and did what ever we wanted.
Daddy took off work.
Mommy took off from her diet.
Kiddos took off from getting dressed ;).
Good stuff.

Louisiana snowman- Plastic wrapped hay bales on the lakeside.



We did have a bit of a bump in the road with dueling throat infections but two doses of antibiotics put those to rest. But not before Mommy and Claire missed the Folks family Christmas at my in-laws house- bummer.

We watched the Nativity Story - which I highly recommend.
(http://www.amazon.com/The-Nativity-Story-Keisha-Castle-Hughes/dp/B000MGBM1I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356636996&sr=8-1&keywords=nativity+story+movie)
and
The Christmas Miracle of Johnanthan Toomey- Which is a winner on every level.
(http://www.amazon.com/The-Christmas-Miracle-Jonathan-Toomey/dp/B000UAE7P4/ref=sr_1_1?s=moviestv-tradein&ie=UTF8&qid=1356637039&sr=1-1&keywords=jonathan+toomey)

We also watched a zillion episodes of our favorite TV shows on Netflix, shopped with our gift cards, opened presents, ate steak Daddy grilled for us and way too much dessert.

I can also definitively say- Stratego is a great board game and table top Air Hockey is always a good investment.

First time that I can ever remember we did not go anywhere on Christmas day.

Hope you take the time to spend a lazy day or two with your loved ones.

Praying: Before & After

I like everyone in the US spent sometime this weekend discussing the events in at Sandy Hook Elementary this weekend.
We don't have broadcast TV or cable so I just kept up with the story online and my kids heard very little. I did take some time out to talk with them before school today about what they might hear and field any questions they might have.

When anything like this happens a sure bet is that crazy stories or ideas will immediately begin to fly around as though they were the pure truth and must be repeated. I know my kids will hear some of that and I wanted to arm them with healthy skepticism and let them know Mom would be happy to talk with them about anything they hear.

I personally am still numb about it all, because it hardly seems real.
Maybe I don't want it to be real.

My husband said he teared up when he heard the news. He wanted to see our kids.
I did not cry a single tear. I felt perfectly secure that my kids were safe at school. Denial? maybe.

My first feeling was anger.
I am definitely more of an anger person.
I totally understand the instinct to blame.
I understand the search that immediately begins after some tragedy to find the person or persons who could have prevented this.

I thought about that this weekend. I read and heard the angles.
"Gun Control is the problem"
"Evil is the problem not guns"
"Lack of God in our culture is our problem"
"Bad parenting"
"Inadequate mental health care"
"Inadequate school security"
etc....

I really did not think I had anything constructive to add to this discussion so I just prayed this morning.
Then and idea struck me so convicting I knew it had to be God.
What if I was the problem?
What if it was people like me?
People who see or knew the kid who never fit in.
The too quiet kid, the not easy to befriend kid, the mentally ill kid, the kid who did not get what he needed at home, etc...
The people who knew that kid or kids, who knew God was their only hope and who never prayed for them.
Maybe we are the ones who dropped the ball.

Even as I sit here now, I can picture two, no wait, four boys who would fit into one of those groups. Do I pray for them daily? No.
Do I work to befriend them or their families? One family I do but not the others.

Here is the blinding truth that God put on my heart:
Satan can over come gun control, time spent in Church, good parenting, medication, friends, or any other fix we try to use EXCEPT..... GOD HIMSELF.

Sometimes what an Adam Lanza needs is a miracle and only a miracle.
Sometimes what we who call ourselves "Christian" need to do is to pray before the tragedy not just after.
Ask God to put someone on your heart who needs a miracle, then pray every day for that person. The unreachable, the truly troubled, the one lost in the shuffle, etc....
Yes, act to show love and kindness but more importantly pray, pray, pray.

The only sure way of defeating Satan is the pleading of the Holy Spirit from the mouth of the child of God.

As we truly should be praying for the families After this tragedy also let us begin to be more faithful to pray Before such can occur.

James 5:16 The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Teach yourself

I am a substitute teacher.
You know, the person every child either dreads to see coming because of busy work or the person every child loves to see coming because of the challenge of doing as many wrong things as possible in one class.

I spent the last two weeks filling in for the same teacher.
This particular teacher taught 7th grade Life Science (I am a huge science nerd so I loved this), 6th grade Spanish (I learned some fun Spanish words) and 7th &8 grade Spanish.

7th & 8th grade Spanish is not a fun class to sub for if you don't speak or write Spanish.
They had to write paragraphs in Spanish about different topics. For all I knew they were copying the glossary from their book.

Some students spent most of their time crafting the illusion they were working, then never actually turning in a paper.
Hey, academics aren't for everyone but if you want to advance in just about anything in life you have to learn how to teach yourself.

I think the best students learn how to teach themselves.

It's like eating. You can wait for mom to spoon feed you but things go much faster and you get what you want if you lean how to do it yourself.

How do you teach yourself?

1. Read
If you want to learn more about a subject read about it. Often and much. Watching videos is another great way to take knowledge in.

2. Ask questions.
You have to be brave do this one. You have to want to learn so deeply that it overcomes your fear of "the stupid question" and drives you to root out knowledge and understanding. You have to make it okay in your mind to not know or to be ignorant. My Dad was big on repeatedly telling me that being ignorant was not a bad thing, it was just a state of not knowing. Jump in and get some "knowing",

3. Experiment
You have to try out what you are learning. Act out what you learn- on a test, in writing, behavior, etc...

4. Repeat
Again, and Again until.... you leave the Earth.

Soldiering On

My little soldier- She is getting ready for the local Nutcracker performance.

A bright little moment today getting the pictures made for the program.

Sometimes the holidays are hard.

Sometimes you are struggling through something right in the middle of the holidays.

It might be a personal pain that no one really knows about or one that everyone is talking about.

No matter what it is, it is difficult to navigate the holidays with an ache in your heart.

How do you reconcile the celebration with the struggle?

The holidays alone, with all the expectations- the ones you put on yourself, the ones you put on others, the ones others put on you, can be a mine field of chances to lose it.

I don't have an answer.

I am not particularly good at waiting for God to show me the way to face things.

But wait I must.

I haven't a clue how to do it without Him.

While I wait, I will decide to make the holidays a treasure hunt.

I will find things to delight my heart in because my God is on the throne and I am His child.

Things like my son being asked to carry one of the wise men gifts for the Hanging of the Greens service at our church.

Cute little stinker.

Things like my husband having the whole week of Thanksgiving off.

Or my little girl getting me, my husband and my mom to bike ride with her.

Hammock time.

Seeing my Aunt for Thanksgiving and knowing she lost 15lbs by eating right- props to her.

The more time I spend treasure hunting the less time I will spend nitpicking.

It will certainly make the waiting easier.

And when at last my course is clear from my God above I will have a mental chest full of holiday treasure to boot.