I am not proud of the fact that I am a pouter, but it's the truth.
I save this little gem of behavior mainly for my closest loved ones, the people who deserve it the least.
Why am I a pouter?
I grew up under the instruction of movies, tv, magazines and books that instilled in me the idea that people meet my needs. A man meets my need to feel beautiful and special. Friends meet my needs to feel connected and encouraged. The list goes on and on.
Obviously this idea that people are going to meet my needs leads to endless disappointment because low and behold the people around me have no idea they have been signed up for this job.
Over the past few months I have been in some eye opening bible studies that have reminded me only one person actually signed up for the job of meeting my needs: God.
I have been working on not having the same argument, the same pout sessions but keeping my mouth closed and praying about the needs I feel.
30 years of wrong behavior has not gone away in a few months.
Yesterday I was busy pouting about how someone had not met my needs and I resolved to pray about it. As I prayed I realized that the need I really had was to feel special and important to someone.
So I prayed "God do something to help me feel special and important".
Even as I prayed it, it dawned on me that He already done enough.
He created me and all creation, even when He knew all the trouble I would be. He carried His love and millions of people through centuries of struggle and shaky faith. He came down here to the world of struggle and loved us purely. He gave up everything for us. He rose again and gave us power over our own weakness. He gave us His own spirit to become one with us. He gave us the promise of eternal wholeness. He has babied me every day of my life.
And much to my awe and amazement as I thought of this list, I could physically feel the pout fall away. I could feel the need being met in those moments.
Crazy but constant- The truth will set you free.
I no longer felt the urgent need to show that person how they had fallen down on their job. I no longer felt like a victim.
I felt and knew I was complete in Him.
I am also ashamed to say it did surprise me for a moment how wonderfully well this kind of thinking works.
I mean intellectually, I know hundreds of scriptures proclaim it.
It was shocking how well magazines, movies, books, TV, the Internet, had me so convinced it would not work.