Tuesday, April 26, 2011

"Minor" Surgery

If it happens to be happening to your child it never really feels minor. Luckily today My son's minor surgery went exceptionally well. He was in and out before lunch.
The part me, his dad and his sister will never forget was when the "silly juice" (some kind of drug similar to Valium) kicked in. Wow, he is a light weight. He was slurring his speech and hiccuping. He was a limp rag when his dad lifted him to the gurney to take him to surgery.

In the last few moments before surgery as we were saying bye and kissing him- He looks up totally disoriented and says "Can I go to the office and play on the computer?". My husband and I laughed so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. We finally learned that that sentence is actually a biological instinct for him. This is a kid who will wake up at 5 am  on a Saturday to play a Star Wars game on the computer. And now I know as his brain struggles to cling to consciousness it will not be his loving mother who comes to mind but his favorite perch of the office chair.

All joking aside, spending a morning at a Children's Hospital will also give you a strong sense of gratitude for your precious ones and how blessed you truly are.

Count your blessing and when you do- give them a big kiss.

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Easter - I think it has to be the best example of how God is not like us. His perfect solution to the problem of sin was one that contained tremendous pain and moments of darkness. It meant that the best most precious person ever born would die the most painful death ever experienced. That one who literally had no guilt would face the very wrath of God. Fortunately I have never and never will have a clue what even a whisper of the wrath of God feels like, much less the full weight.

Pain- we in our earthly minds want to avoid it at all cost. We often falsely see it as the greatest evil. I say this as someone who has no authority to speak on the subject. But greater, more experienced minds than mine have discussed the topic- like C.S. Lewis. He called pain God's "megaphone to rouse a deaf world”. The days before the resurrection thundered with a sound that no ear on Earth can avoid.

My experience with pain almost nil. I am not strong enough to welcome pain but go kicking and screaming into it. My father has Parkinson's. It is the kind that cannot respond to medication no matter how high the dose. He has a clotting disorder than prevents brain surgery. He is one of the most lovely people I have ever known. Humble, kind, gentle, self-less, giving to a fault, and patient. I cannot express how much I love him. As I see him get worse and know that surely things are coming that are the stuff of nightmares, I think about how wrong to my mind this all seems.

A song I recently heard gave me some new angles to frame this.

Knowing the mind of God is not like mine could it be that "We know the pain reminds this heart,That this is not, this is not our home,It's not our home".
Or that "the aching of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy".
Could it be that comfort can have more spiritual danger than pain? Or that loving this world blinds us to the more perfect beauty of the next?

Listen to the song.

Oh, but the final thought about Easter- oh, that final thought. That gentle crisp sweet dawn-with the perfect golden light rising over the horizon and the cool sweet emptiness of the tomb. God has a twist, oh what a twist. Because He is Love, I have to assume love is something deeper than comfort, more enduring than life, and always perfectly surprising to our minds.

I want to eagerly look for the surprise of Love, the twist a human mind could never dream up, the victory that makes the word victory seem too weak to really fit. 

Easter- Resurrection- soak it up

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Nervous Ticks

Nervous Ticks- most of us have one. Nail biting, lip biting, blinking, hand wringing, etc.. I have one of the worst. I am a nervous talker. I get nervous and I start to blab. Usually about myself which only serves to make it worse. You cannot talk over me, you cannot slow me down until I have done a good chunk of damage to any likability I may have had.

I hate it. It's almost like I am out of control, like I am watching myself from the outside.
My desire is to be a comfort to people not to cause dismay or pain but once I get wound up- it's a runaway train.
I try to psych my self up before get togethers with friends- "ask questions, show interest in others and for the love of all that is good keep the 'Kellie report' under wraps!"
 Not to often do I make it the whole night.

I end up looking like a self obsessed air head.
Once in college my life verse was "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:28  It's not a new problem for me.

I share this because if I have done this to you, I hope you know I am aware of it. I am praying diligently that God will give me wisdom, a listening ear and ready prayers of encouragement. Don't give up on me yet- He's still working on me. 

And if you, like me, have a nervous mouth- don't be anxious over it, but pray.

I read this neat passage in The Power of a Praying wife, the author instructs wives to pray "give my husband a new wife, and let it be me". I really like that (a change so radical you aren't the same), so I am hijacking it- "Lord give my friends a new friend and let it be me".

Isn't hope cool.

Monday, April 18, 2011

This and That

The weekend tossed salad of things:

My daughter sang in the town Talent Show- She's 6. She was such a beautiful example to me. She was only mildly nervous although she was the youngest person there. She mumbled most of the words to the song in her tiny voice but she knows them all and had good timing. She smiled. She did not win a thing but had nice things to say about all the many bad singers we had to sit through. I hope to goodness I don’t manage to ruin her somehow because she is so amazing just the way she is.

Spent most of Saturday working in our yard- which is where I love to be. My new rose and iris plant were putting on a show.

Poor husband tried all day to figure out what was wrong with our PTO belt eating riding lawn mower. Score one for very old lawn mower. We did start the process of getting the pool water ready which makes my heart race a bit. I really love to swim. Period, then end, it's a fact of who I am.

Sunday I pondered. Sundays were infact made for pondering if you ask me. I am starting a new book- The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartain, thanks to a dear friend who is encouraging me to stretch out a little in a good way.

Today as I ran/walked my two miles, which are like medicine to me, I thought about each step I took. When I jogged I thought- In this moment I will jog. I thought that each moment until I made my goal. Really if I was honest being Godly is like that for me. It does not come natural. I am a recovering sinner. I have to think each moment of each day- I will serve God. In some moments, when my feelings get hurt or my "needs" are trampled upon- I quickly switch over to, I will serve me. I want to cut back on those moments with God's power. I don't really do 10 year plans well- so I think the "Manhandling the moment with the Holy Spirit plan" will be a good fit for me.

Rock the moment- love the week.

Monday, April 11, 2011


Before I get to the actual topic I have the April mitt of the month (although it's actually a pot holder with a matching towel)

This weekend I was able to attend my Aunt and Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary party. They were married young so they were able to really enjoy the celebration. Here is my daughter and several cousins at the party.
My cousin Jodi took this picture-she is amazing with a camera and photoshop.

50 years of marriage really made me think.
This year is my 15th wedding anniversary. I have to admit I am a very lucky woman. My husband is very kind, loving, loyal, full of intregrity, smart, hard working and generally a much better person than I am.
Here's the rub, it's hard to be married to someone you know is actually a more likeable than you are.
We started dating 18 years ago and I have pretty much held the title of "the Bad Guy" in our relationship ever since. It's my own fault but man, the only time I shook it was when he forgot our anniversary and I remembered it (twice).

I am a talker- I love to talk all the time about everything. My husband does not, and I end up feeling like the host of the "Hey, let's talk" Game show.

"Hi and welcome to the 'Hey, Let's Talk' Game Show.
The first topic up for this evening is 'Things that happened to you today'"

"I'll take "Not a whole lot" for $200, Alex"

I guess when I look at the big picture- it's not much to gripe about. The truth is I am most grouchy when he's gone- working late or on a business trip. There's not much in this world I wouldn't rather do with him, and every time anything happens he's the first person I want to tell. He understands my sense of humor and thinks I am so funny. For me, there's not much that beats that.
I would be a very happy woman if I got to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary with him.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Thinking Chair

I call this the thinking chair.

I know my Dad put it by his pond to sit and fish, but I use it to think. When I get stressed or need to pray with out interruption I go there. I have sat there in the wild wind of an incoming storm and in the sweet sun light of a new dawn. I have had to admit the depths of my own rotten apple core there. I have found the very words of God spoken on the wind there.

God did something untouchable when he designed this world. Even with the introduction of sin and decay to the world- ponds, mountains, rivers, deserts, have a glory about them that leads straight to Him.  Even a little pond in the middle of nowhere.

For example this little Rose called "Shockwave" might have been bred to be vibrant yellow, bushy and hearty but who put those little genes in this plant- the Master gardener. Now if he can hide that away in a rose- what can he do with the heart of a man or woman?

Drink up abundant life today.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Morning Walk

So, I have been walking every morning to outsmart my clingy metabolism that appears to have hunkered down for famine and drought. I have really begun to enjoy these walks as a special time to worship in music and to get in touch with gratitude.
Here are some highlights of my walk this morning:

Grancy Grey Beard tree

Old Tractor- most of these shots were near my grandmother's house which does at times seem like something out of a fairy tale.

around the corner from my parent's house

This one makes me think of the old Irish blessing "may the road rise up to meet ya!"

part of my yard.

My little "Joseph's coat" rose. It's a mix of yellow, red and pink.
God really piled it on this Morning.

Side note- I watched a little film called Flipped last night and I happily recommend it. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0817177/