Etch-a-sketch brain

Sometimes I wish I had an Etch-a-sketch brain.

You know, with a waggle waggle of my head I could erase something I don't want there.

I have always had a problem buying into things or having ideas about things that limit me.

For example:
At a young age I felt called to missions. Now I had no idea what that meant and no one really could tell me so I made up an idea about what that meant:
Traveling somewhere far away, sharing Jesus with foreign people.
So when that did not happen in my life I grieved that I had missed the mark.

Also I got married young (two weeks after I turned 20) and I had some ideas about what marriage should be. Needless to say those ideas were not based in reality (thanks for nothing Hollywood and romance novels) and I felt disappointed that I had missed the mark in the marriage dept.

The list goes on and on- children, jobs, possessions, etc...

Here is the kicker, I am just at 36 finally figuring out God does not need my help defining anything.
He knows exactly what the missions call on my life meant and what my marriage should be.

But I have been operating on the pictures I sketched up in my head and I finally realize I need one good clean shake to set it right.

How's about I just keep a clean screen and just wait for Him to draw the picture?
Do I think I can try that one on for size?

To be honest, I want too, really badly. I have a very strong sense that this could be a wonderful way to live.
All the best stuff in my life has often come as a total surprise to me.

I want to just open my eyes each day and look around, taking what happens for exactly what it is as God shows me.

I want to eagerly wait for the answers to my prayers with out a framework to fit them in.

I want to share what God has done in my life all the time with out a goal in mind for each person I share it with.

The point is my "stuff" always misses the mark because I don't have clue what the mark is.
And that is completely OKAY. God never expected me to, that's why He gave me the Holy Spirit.

I'll leave the perfection up to Him and the following up to me :).